A fine example of X-file satire, even if I do say so myself, back from the golden days of original storylines and dogs. Unresolved sexual tension hung in the air like a strong deoderant and Scully didn't believe a word Mulder said apart from "The".
 

    The X Files :
                  "Scientific progress goes 'boink'"

    From the previous episode:
    Scully has her gun aimed at Skinner. Suddenly footsteps are heard outside the gloomy office. The shadows of two feet appear under the door blocking the light. Scully turns and a spilt second later Skinner whips his gun out and aims it on Scully. Scully's gun quivers slightly. The door starts to creak open,... when Scully fires. Skinner looks surprised while Scully is already swinging the gun round to face the intruder. Skinner coughs on the floor. Queeg gives a yap and rushes to protect Scully, a small drip of spittle on it's jaw.
    Scully's eyes widen in astonishment, "Mulder!"
    Mulder explains just how he miraculously survived without the help of special effects, when suddenly, while sitting close together on a well padded couch in a highly emotional state, Queeg jumps up and bites Mulder on the neck. Scully realizing too late that Queeg is rabid, fights the mad dog off and throws a glass of water on it. The commotion causes security guards to come running to the office. Mulder not fearing for his life and holding a blood soaked napkin to his neck, jumps out the window. Scully follows landing in a dustbin. They run into the night with torches flashing out of the opened window.
    Scully wakes up in bed... alone. Apart from Queeg who had from it's amazing powers of ESP returned to her in the night. She shoved the nearly dead dog off the dead and looked for Mulder in the next room. He had gone. But strangely without his clothes. Suddenly Queeg races in from the other room. The virus in the dogs mind was making a last ditch effort to survive. Scully grabbed Mulder's gun and raced out of the motel room, hastily locking the door behind her.
    She had just entered into a secluded alley across from the motel when a strangulated bark came from behind. She carefully took out her gun making no sudden movements when Queeg started towards her. She gulped then coldly pulled the gun in a tight arc for no apparent reason because she had already aimed and... 'click' A dud. The dog was too close for Scully to take apart the gun and reoil it. So she pulled Mulder's out of her waistband. But Queeg had got up speed and was almost upon her, when there was a blinding flash of white light and a black shape falling from the sky. After recovering her sight Scully almost laughed, but not quite because this IS the X-Files. Mulder had landed on the dog, killing it, after being dropped off what Scully could only (skeptically) believe was a helicopter.
    As soon as Mulder woke up he explained he had been abducted by aliens and cured of rabies and a common cold he had caught from a passing astronaut. He had also been given a tip off about evil aliens in Alaska who were cooperating with the government. They agreed that since they had killed Skinner they had better get out of the country before they're employees were after them.
    Alaska. And they was a biting wind as Scull and Mulder made they're way through heavy snow towards a gleaming light on a nearby security tower. They walked by a sled with very heavy equipment on it, pulled by Scully's new friend Queeg 2 or QueegQueeg. Who was a huskie and had just wandered up to her as they had got off the plane.
    As they neared the gate of the high security fence. A light shone down on them, it's source obscured by the snow and a gun reported. Add to this the fact that you've got a lot of aliens in close proximity... QueegQueeg barked, another shot was heard. Suddenly they heard QueegQueeg yelp and the sled vanished into the snow and over a bank of snow. Mulder shouted for Scully to get down as he saw what he thought was abullet out of the corner of his eye. But it wasn't, it was a scared and cold QueegQueeg coming out of the night straight towards Scully! Mulder shouted again but it was too late. Scully fell.
    Mulder stumbled over. But Scully was already dead. The sled had kept going, after killing it's beloved master QueegQueeg only wanted to die. It rushed for the electrical fence. There was a sharp hissing sound. And remarkable someone into side the compound remarked at that very instance, "Chops for breakfast then?"
    After mourning over Scully for a bit and stealing her gun, Mulder had found this incident had again strengthened his resolve to find the truth. (what doesn't?) He had sneaked in through the hole created by the sled and was at this very moment sneaking past a metal detector, he was glad his sister hadn't shared her candy with him now. He paused for a moment thinking this over when he thought he saw Scully out of the corner of his eye. He blinked and she was gone. He had been having these delusions since he had entered the building. But there was a man coming near him. He slipped through a door marked ' Transmografirer testing' and suddenly came face to face with two identical Scully's... To be continued...
 
  The X-Files episode 4
    In the last two episodes: Mulder found that only a clone of Scully had been killed and the real one had rescued him from a bunch of malicious security guards. Having found to be unable to deal with 20 skeptical women, Mulder was forced to ditch the Scully clones. Mulder and Scully used the top secret government document they had stole to blackmail government officials into letting them take a tour of S-4 a top secret military base in Nevada. As they were taking the tour they somehow managed to get the attention of some government type soldiers and were detained. As they were on their way to a security cell, they walked past a door entitled "Spontanous combution research" then one entitled, "Spontanous Combustion development". At which point all four gaurds spontanous combusted, and giving Mulder and Scully a fine opportunity to run for it.

    Episode 4: Obligatory chase scene.
    Mulder and Scully were trapped an the 10th floor fire escape with 20 armed soldiers scrambling up behind them with orders to shoot to kill. Just as they were about to give up hope of escape, a strong wind blew their hair and they looked up. Hovering above them was a black stealth helicopter, and inside the cockpit was one of the lone gunmen. A winch was extended down and Scully grabbed first, knowing Mulder too well. The wind making Mulder shield his eyes, he realized that the copter wouldn't have time to lower the winch again. He waved his arms for it to go. The stealth copter wavered. Then suddenly it fell nose-down vertically then whipped it's tail round with guns facing the fire escape. Was about to happen dawned on the soldiers. A group split off and started to fire on the copter. But the copter had been designed by the government to withstand such an attack and as it's guns extended forward out of the wings the soldier froze. It then peppered the stairway below Mulder with bullets. All was quiet. The soldiers started up again. But then a creaking sound was heard. The stairway fell away beneath Mulder, taking the solders with it. As the copter flashed back up to Mulder's height. The platform he was standing on became unstable. Bits of masonry started to crumble off the wall. The winch came closer and closer. Mulder could feel the metal giving way under his feet. He jumped for the winch as it swung past. As he was pulled up through the swirling air he saw the platform fall 10 stories down. Scully managed to act tearful and delighted that he had survived without actually hugging him or making any bodily contact. The other two lone gunmen were in the stealth also. Mulder had no idea how they had managed to steal a military helicopter, but didn't like to ask in case it was all a dream.
    As they left S-4 and did some extremely cool and fluid maneuvers with state of the art military technology a laser beam flashed under them as they began a loop-de-loop. The Lone gunman who was pilot shouted with surprise. Nothing had shown on radar. They only had sight to identify the flying triangle behind them. The pilot swooped down into the mountain valley, trying desperately to shake off the FT. While Mulder was trying desperately to find a video camera. Damn, the pilot thought those old Apache movies always come in handy.
    He armed the rockets then brought the copter over a cliff and then reversing the blade angle he came to a complete halt in the air. The FT flashed over him and he locked on. But as soon as the FT saw him, not wanting another Roswell. It disappeared.
    They continued to the Lone Gunmen's hideout, where to gain some serious cash for staying alive they signed the film rights away to a small film called ID4. They bought new guns and then sneaked back into the state they were in originally.
    Skinner had them followed and at an opportune moment... They walked into the cafe.
    Scully said: "What can we do here? The FBI are still after us.."
    "We couldn't have stayed in Nevada..." Mulder said after they had sat down in a booth.
    "But people know your face here."
    "Exactly. I'm going to try to make contact with X somehow." Mulder sipped his Expresso.
    "I'll have to visit my mothers, she'll be so worried about me,"Scully pondered, "X is not exactly the most reliably of sources."
    Before Mulder could reply Skinner walked in, with a bandage on his shoulder. Scully nearly jumped out of her chair. The deal thing is made, and Mulder and Scully are back on the X-Files.
 
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