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22nd June Thursday, 2000, 19:22. Headache. 

I think it might be the tiding up, or possible, the lack of energy, could even be dehydration, I haven’t drank much today. Found my twenty quid though, which is nice, shame I’d already gotten twenty out of a machine dammit. 

I have finally tidied up my room before it reached critical mass.

Home for the weekend, what bliss! I sooooo, cannot wait, so much so, I’m going to go on Musenet and see who’s around… Stead a talking to you that is. What else happened here? Several things of little consequence, ate, slept, went to ork, told tracy I wouldn’t be coming in tomorrow on the way back from work in a rush to get to the dentist and all a frenzy after rushing out of work and spilling all my CD’s on the wet road, which I still have to clean up. And my lovely book! Oh, Godel Escher bach! I’ll have to buy a new copy, tarnation. Tut, Mike shouldn’t have it given it back so scrufferly, well he is an enginee, but now it’s covered in muck. I’ll really have to buy the new edition with a new introduction, yeah, like I’m not dieing to read it. 

And damn Dex. 

What I really need is heterosexual hands. And are Asians really that yellow? Surely those male hair dye ads are taking the piss? 

You know why I’m writing this don’t you? It’s because neither Dex nor Frank (Note why only good men friends?) has replied. So I have to leach all this ‘talking’ stuff out of my brain somehow, and while morning pages remain not done, that is going to have to be you. And might I add, why has Dex or Fank not replied, Dex could be busy, sure, Frank, he could be spending time with his son while he still can. On the dark side, Dex could be offended cos I don’t actually love him, because in fact I am not ATTRACTED TO YOU! YA FREAK!. And frank, well he could be offended by my lame apology, which I kinda meant to change, but forgot. I don’t know, maybe something else offended him. Maybe I’m an idiot. Maybe I should rewrite my book. Maybe I want to. Maybe I have a brain, lurking under the layers of accumulated trivia, science facts, anecdote retention software, weirdness, self analysis, delusions, normalicy, shyness, and as yet unformed opinions. Okay, I forgot where I was headed after science facts, maybe if was to say well, what is there other than that? Maybe not, after all, I forgot. 

Modern poetry, have to ask Fliss. 

How come male androgynes are generally beautiful and female ones generally dogs? Bastards is all I can say to that. 

And who’d ya mcall it? Ermmmmm, Mike Tyson, wow, he’s really softly spoken. Weird. He’s got a nice voice, I guess boxers don’t go for the throat. Well for an obvious joke, they go for the ear. Tsk. 

Why on earth would Benny think I was opinionated? I, Me, I’m reflective, I only form opinions if I’m sure of their correctness/rightness/properness. And on them, I’m solid, that’s it. Open minded, yes, basically because I’ve got so many gaps in my defense. 
 

Also, An excerpt from an older diary of mine. I truly cannot believe how young I sound. God, and all that time I spend dissing Neighbours cos their protagonists acted like spasticated two year olds compared to how old they were supposed to be. My comments - []
 

Well if it say's that date, I guess it is that date. [26 Nov, some year]
 Right, I've got a real good excuse for this, Exams coming up. Sorry. 
 Events  included:
  Having to eat in the staff dinning room after doing Jiig Cal and the on the bench quiz revision. [I remember this now! That’s what old diaries are about eh?]
  Going to strathallan and having a bagminton match there. (Won 1 lost 2.) The maels were good thought. Shame it took about 1 30 to get there. Boy was it dark. [Meals, really I meant meals. Took me a while to work it out, but I did.]
  The e-mail system. I may have told you about this so I'm going to tell ya again. [I am? Where exactly?]
  Flora stewart has had an interesting time, Coping an article out of wake up and giving it to inpress under her own name. Also new relevation is taht she has webbed feet. (Or at least two toes.) 
  Me and Annabel have had to give our stories in to Miss Gillard because annabels mum told her about them. But she liked them and I'm Not going to go into details. [Modest as usually. Embarrassed more like. I’ve still got those stories too. And who… Christine Russell incident, I remember that too.]
  I got a one in my Mock art exam> Fun fun fun.  
  The X-Files has took over my life. With the newest one being 44 pages long already!!!! It's getting a bit tedius though as it getts to the end so I'm doing this instead. [SPELL goddamn you!]
  An invitation to a computer lecture on the 18th of dec, in which I could possible win a massive 50 pound book token, so it's one of my priorities. Could possible be on the subject of biological computers> Making up for brain damage, used in bliind peoples eyes. To help old people retrieve memory better. To have a biological calulator in the brain and all the applications that go with that. The ability to transpose images over one another directly in you eye. Virtual light. Maybe a direct internet link into your brain. Definatly an e-mail system. Vat grown computers. [Finally understood where William Gidson was coming from in Virtual Light back there.]
  
 So today is a saturday and I'm ready for the simpsons appearance on tele. I've just wrote to Wake up about related things. Also I've started my open learning pascal course at telford college. And then there is Sarah Tulis. The head girl, or the head of school as Dr McClure likes to call her. [Yeah, lets get to Sarah Tulis… No we seem to be going off topic…] (Personally that's what I thought Dr McClure was.) We've also got only one School council representative per year now. Our's is Karen Cameron. Whom I like to call She-ra. Supergirl just didn't sound right. anyway, I've been watching Sarah Tulis very closely. Which is really being to annoy my consious. But I think my Sub has come to terms with it now. Lucky me. Thought I can and am going to describe to you the varius occasions in which I have come into contact with her. 
 But first, I am going to practise my tounch typing whoa I did all that. Aren't I amazing.    hA ha ha ha ha ha. dearli me. Anyway, to be getting on. [Freak.]

[Here we go… Obssession Ltd. ]

 First, the most recent encounter: Bagminton. On friday. I was playing with Lindsay Macmillan, one of the Twins. I was unfortunately playing rather strangly but with less controll due to the fact that I had been playing Squash at lunchtime as bagmminton club then had not been on. So since my racket was swinging instead of flicking it didn't make for good shots. 
 I usually set up the net at the second from the door, but since they were already up for a change I decided to go second from the end. I didn't want to be next to the usual position of Mrs Houston and therefore Sarah Tulis. As expected, nothing went to plan. 
 I played again lindsay for a while. Sometimes, unfortunately having uncontroled periods of rage witch result in nasty shots. One of these had hit Lindsay in the eye some time before. So, then Mrs Houston calls us over and I happily completely neglect to make eye contact with Sarah Tulis. Mrs Houston tells us to get into groups of four, and me and lindsay get together with alice and fiona. ( different one.) We returne to our ordinary positions. And who comes and plays on the end court but... Sarah Tulis. Yes. Along with two other players who collapsed in a FIT of giggles, at some strange thing, it was my misfortune to miss. We continued. One really needs a felicity. (Flich) to liven things up. So I was having bouts of anger there as well. Then we changed again and I was palying. No I was actually playing  Sarah (U5) And helen. At the start I had turned down, alice and fiona to play singles with lindsay. So I was playing Helen and Sarah. And sometimes getting a bit angry, as I am Prone to do. This might have something to do with the RE lesson in the morning about how kids in less prievedged areas are taught that being poor is an incredible injustice. Etc. Mrs Chamberlian asked if we could understand that argument. I had thought of it before then. (Reference to new art project. )  This has also got uncontroled rage in my mind, just waiting for a game of squash to let it out. 
 So then, after the five of us took turns to be out, we came to the end of the U5's (and lowers) time. So we happily made our way back toward the dooor and Mrs Houston. When she allowed us to stay. So we (Me + Lindsay) Went back to our court to play Elizabeth and helen. This was a time of relative quiet in which Sarah was two courts away. Then when Helen and Elizabeth left to catch trains. We were called in to a big group. Also notable at this time is the fact that My net was the best. The only one that didn't need adjusting by Mrs Houston. (A-Thank-you!) I had rearanged it perfectly. 
 So we had to play someone different. I elected me and Lindsay to play singles. Just to show my uninterest. That looked to be a fairly safe proposal. (No pairing up with another team. ) Lindsay wanted to play someone else, but since we would probably be rejected to play singles, I went for the easy option. So we ended up playying next to Sarah. Great. But my temper got less out of control luckily. Then called back in again, the safeest option was to wait for somebody not to get a partner and wait for them to come to me. It worked. I didn't know Rosalynd Goodwin was so unpopular. Har har. So guess who everyone didn't want to play? Sarah Tulis and an excellent japanese girl. And us. So that was that then. Playing on the second court from the door again them. And having to serve. You ask but what about rage. Well, unfortunately, due to the power of (Confirmed by the non use abilty of my arm today) The shots I had to play I had no rage left. Nor any time to gain any. Just having to look at my oppolents eyes and play. It was a strange thing that I noticed Sarah Tulis's hair. A primary factor in identifiying her. Also, a good point is when I had to approach her at the net when chosing a shuttlecock. Most were bent already. I refrained from saying they looked pregnant. I don't know if I wish I had or hadn't now. So nobody really won that game, and I learnt just how tall Sarah is. Thanks to smashing abilty. I also got to shake her hand. Fun. And appologising for her partner hittting me on the head? Strange. 

[If I went through School again, yes I would have shagged Sarah, possible also Susi, and no way would I have missed that damn Bagminton match. Goddamn Bridge the twins and Mr FAIRHURST. ]

 Felicity is getting more of a friend, she is now called guppy or old squid. Flich fingers. I saw her on the way into school. On the way out, I might have seen the head girl and another lass looked at my brother in the car. And then I might not.
[Fliss, wow, this must have been truly ages ago.]
 

 Other Sarah incidents. [God! Obssessed. Okay so this is the only entry I go on and on. But still.] In order of timelapse. Greatest first.
 The lunchtime indiacator. One of those ball things. So no clearing up list was up. So guess who came up to my table. Me sitting at that end and put both hands down on the table in front of me and asked someone to do the table. After one excuse (from Alice) She obviously tired of this and I already fearing the inevitable, got volunteired. 
 A point to note about that one was me bevering away, slowly and carefully, not realising that Sarch Tulis was standing in the doorway. So As I went to leave, there was one of those half mumbled replies or hellos that I am so famous for. (Sorry playing a big part iin bagminton as well.) [Don’t remember this incident. Know the half mumbled bit thought, that is very true.]

 Of course there is the coming down the stairs and there she is talking to the big four bit. And the assembly half looks. (Full ones, except I need new glasses.) 
 Several hellos at badminton club as well, in queues to play champions and challengders. 
 
 One of the more memorable ones was when my name was read out in assembly. She may have loooked straight at me and jumped almost visible, but then again not. I guess I'm just a fussy eater.
 
Forget it. [No don’t.]

 Oh and watch it mate! [Me neither.]
 

My brother and me would have made for a good pairing, and interesting novel sort of pairing, where hooligan lad yob reflects off young gay geek sister. Except is didn’t because it happened to me. And Nathan lived up to bastard image. 
 

Author information goes here. < That's Me! Or Meg if you want my full name. 
Copyright © 1999 by [weirdscience]. Most rights reserved.
Revised: 27 May 2000 21:14:14 +0100 .